She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
