apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Green mimosas i think yes
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize