Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
