Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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