I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
