Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
