If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
