Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just gift wrapped bread.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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