your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
