Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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