You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
