That's intense
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
