so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
