Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
pray to the hookup gods
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
