and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
