I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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