Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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