you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
