i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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