now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
