Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize