I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I bet he comes in French.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
