The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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