They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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