She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
