I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
