Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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