i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
