I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
