Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
