i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
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Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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