Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize