it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
