I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
