The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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