And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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