I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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