I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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