Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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