Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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