Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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