dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
