peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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