I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
