You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
