So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
