You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
