I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
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At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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