well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
