If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
