Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
