please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my being single is dangerous.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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