shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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