Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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