lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
