I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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