There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
